I love words!
Maestro is a wordsmith, and takes words very seriously. I love the way words form, their different meanings, the way different people use words differently.
Words can make someone smile, or cry. Words are important.
I sometimes have difficulty finding the words I want to use, and I fumble around trying to make sure that I am getting my point across. In doing this I sometimes use too many words.
One of the reasons why I feel so lucky to have Maestro is that he calms me. When I am struggling for words, or frustrated because I can’t find the word, he soothes me, helps me.
One of Maestro’s favorite methods is to dance with me.
Imagine this scenario; I am sitting (usually) explaining something, and becoming very animated because what it is that I want him to understand is not coming across clearly. He stands, crosses the room, and takes my hand. He pulls me into his arms, and starts to lead me in a slow dance. I’m still talking, but my focus has shifted slightly to being led in our dance. My speech slows, I am less animated, and my head seems clearer. I am able to find the words again.
Some people are careless with their words. Some people don’t realize that the words they use can hurt.
Today I had someone tell me that they didn’t value me as an employee. They said it with a smile on their face, and laughing all the while, but it hurt.
I have this rule about people I work with. The rule is that they don’t matter in the big picture. For the most part I am able to stick with that, I am not (generally) friends with people I work with. My job is not my life, it is what I do to fund my life. BUT, when a person in a position of authority says something like that (even though I don’t particularly care for this person), it hurts. While I don’t care if they like me as a person, it is important that they value me for the work that I do.
I turn to Maestro for reassurance, for focus, to be reminded what the priorities are.
I say “Tomorrow I am going to tell *** that they really hurt my feelings!”
Meastro says “What do you hope to accomplish by doing that?”
I respond “I don’t know. I just think they should know!”
He says “I think you should decide why that’s important.”
Why is it important? It’s important because though I am a sub to Maestro, I don’t lie prostrate for anyone else. It’s important because people shouldn’t be careless with their words. It’s important because I deserve to be treated with respect, because I work hard and I am not taking shit from anyone-ever- about the quality of work I do, or my performance.
Maestro nods at me and says “Okay, all good reasons.” and though he makes some suggestions about how I could handle it, he ultimately leaves it up to me.
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Now that I have had some time to mull it over, I think I am going to let it go.
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What does any of this have to do with submission or my life as a sub? What lessons are there in this?
The biggest part of it is a lesson that I’ve already had, knowledge that I continue to be reminded of.
TRUST
It’s trusting that Maestro will hear me out, without assuming the worst or that I am over reacting, and then him trusting me to make good decisions.
Trusting that he will not think less of me for having hurt feelings, trusting that what I say will not lead to his doubting me or our why he’s has taken me as his.
Trusting that I will behave in a way that will not embarrass him.
Without trust I could never really submit to him.
VALUE
When Maestro and I have these conversations I am reminded again of how much I value him and his opinion. At the same time, he makes it clear how much he values me and mine. Valuing Maestro is incredibly important but feeling valued is something pretty special. I know in his eyes I am not just any run of the mill sub, I am his, I am precious – all my thoughts, feelings, and opinions are precious to him. That’s one of the reasons why being submissive to Maestro is a pleasure for me.
UNDERSTANDING
I get flustered, I am not always able to articulate what I mean, yet Maestro understands me. Even without words he understands.
Words are important. Maestro teaches me daily about the value of words. My submission doesn’t need words, but the one’s I use are important.