On being submissive

I am submissive.

I am a mother. I am a college graduate. I am a survivor.
I have sewn costumes for my children (biological and otherwise),  cooked, cleaned and maintained a house.
I have worked in positions of authority and made more money than many of the people around me.
I have hauled hay, plowed fields, birthed and cared for horses and their foals, repaired fencing, grown my own food and fixed every electrical thing in a 100 year old house.

I have worked myself to the brink of a breakdown. I have been exhausted. I have given up and started over many times.

Admitting that I am, at the core, submissive was a difficult thing. It took time. Honestly, it took the love and trust of a man who was at least as strong as I am, for me to get there.

I had wanted, I now recognize, to be submissive in other relationships that I had been in. I enjoy pleasing my mate, I enjoy doing for them. What I found was that most of them were too weak to accept it or they abused it. Either way the result was the same, I pulled back and put on the tough face again. I refused to give anymore. I was tough, I would not be broken. “I will support you, me and the whole world, and look good doing it” was my motto.

Maestro was my friend (is my friend). With his patience and understand I have been able to embrace the submissive me. I am submissive, but I am ONLY submissive to him.
He accepts this responsibility in a dignified and respectful way. There is strength in knowing that he trusts me, and that I can trust him. He treats my submission as though it were a precious gift. There is safety in him, in his arms, in his eyes. He has given me the strength to submit.

Outside the home I am an authority in many areas, but at home I am his. I revel in that! I am grateful that I have found a Maestro strong enough accept my submission. I don’t know that I will ever be able to fully express my gratitude to him for being the wonderful man that he is…but believe me, I’m going to try!