Why the confusion?

Recently I have taken some time to read a lot of other blogs.
I did this with the belief that I don’t know everything there is to know about this lifestyle, and that I was open to learning more.
I take this learning seriously, especially when it comes to my role as a sub.

I found a recurring theme in many (Not all) of the blogs that was confusing and disturbing to me.
The theme was “My relationship with Master is so HARD”

Again, I want to say that I don’t know everything about the lifestyle, I don’t claim to be an expert on being a submissive. I just don’t understand this theme because, well, my relationship with Maestro in NOT hard.

We have very few disagreements, and when there is a decision to be made, we discuss it and he decides what is best for us. Does that mean that we always agree on his decisions? No. Usually we do, but when we don’t I have to trust that he is making his decision based on good information, and thought of what is best for the family. If I get new information to further dispute the decision he made, he always hears me, though that doesn’t always mean that he will change his mind.

He trusts me to advise him, he trusts my opinions. He knows that we share our goals, so I will also make decisions based on facts.

We don’t have problems because we don’t have power struggles. I am not stupid, he doesn’t think for me, but he is the head of our house. We have clear lines about our expectations of each other and ourselves.

Our power exchange is not “play”, we don’t have “scenes”, I don’t go from “wife role” to “sub role”, this is our life! We LIVE our PE, there are only two roles, his as Maestro and mine as his sub.

That is not to say that I feel like less of a person. He never makes me feel that way. He builds me up as his sub (and as a person in general) and in doing so strengthens my desire to serve him, reinforces my bond to him, and helps me become the best person I can be.

I am confused when I read or hear that the life of a sub is HARD, because I am not experiencing that.

I understand that my experience may be different from others, and in fact is VASTLY different from what I experienced at the hands of a bully who called himself Dom.  Yes, I get it.

My relationship with Maestro is one of mutual love and respect. I would not behave in a way that would embarrass him, and he would never humiliate me.
We grow together that way. We encourage each other. We believe in each other. We TRUST each other.

While he is, and will remain, Maestro, Head of Household, and Leader to me and our family, he is also friend, lover, and most trusted advisor.

Perhaps I am lucky. There are no battle of wills, no power struggles. Our life together is, blessedly, drama free.

 

On being submissive

I am submissive.

I am a mother. I am a college graduate. I am a survivor.
I have sewn costumes for my children (biological and otherwise),  cooked, cleaned and maintained a house.
I have worked in positions of authority and made more money than many of the people around me.
I have hauled hay, plowed fields, birthed and cared for horses and their foals, repaired fencing, grown my own food and fixed every electrical thing in a 100 year old house.

I have worked myself to the brink of a breakdown. I have been exhausted. I have given up and started over many times.

Admitting that I am, at the core, submissive was a difficult thing. It took time. Honestly, it took the love and trust of a man who was at least as strong as I am, for me to get there.

I had wanted, I now recognize, to be submissive in other relationships that I had been in. I enjoy pleasing my mate, I enjoy doing for them. What I found was that most of them were too weak to accept it or they abused it. Either way the result was the same, I pulled back and put on the tough face again. I refused to give anymore. I was tough, I would not be broken. “I will support you, me and the whole world, and look good doing it” was my motto.

Maestro was my friend (is my friend). With his patience and understand I have been able to embrace the submissive me. I am submissive, but I am ONLY submissive to him.
He accepts this responsibility in a dignified and respectful way. There is strength in knowing that he trusts me, and that I can trust him. He treats my submission as though it were a precious gift. There is safety in him, in his arms, in his eyes. He has given me the strength to submit.

Outside the home I am an authority in many areas, but at home I am his. I revel in that! I am grateful that I have found a Maestro strong enough accept my submission. I don’t know that I will ever be able to fully express my gratitude to him for being the wonderful man that he is…but believe me, I’m going to try!