The pain I know…

Let’s talk about pain.
We all know pain.
Some of us love it, crave it, need it in our lives.
Others don’t.

I do.
I was thinking this morning about my need for pain. It goes beyond sexual desires, it goes beyond wanting to please Maestro, it is simply release.
There is freedom from pain with my pain.

Here’s the sciency stuff:

When I experience pain my body releases chemicals such as dopamine, prolactin, cortisol, oxytocin, and endorphins, to help deal with it.

Dopamine is the “reward” chemical. It is one of the chemicals that has made me the eager submissive that I am. It drives the reward-seeking behavior, it drives my sexual arousal, it is what has me begging Maestro for more.

Prolactin provides the body with sexual gratification after sexual acts, it counteracts the effect of dopamine, which is responsible for sexual arousal. Prolactin is what makes you sleepy after orgasm and is also thought to be responsible for the refractory period after orgasm.

Oxytocin decreases fear, and increases calm by decreasing the stress hormone cortisol. It also helps facilitate bonding, which explains why I feel closer to Maestro after he has taken the strap to me or caused me high amounts of pain.

Endorphins perform several functions, but their best-known one is acting as a painkiller and a reward, causing a feeling of euphoria. Endorphins lock onto cells called opioid receptors, blocking the transmission of pain signals. I relate this to the “flying” feeling I get sometimes, the pain is gone and only the pleasure remains.

Now to the personal stuff:

I am revealing something about myself in this blog that may seem counter-intuitive to some, so I hope I can explain it well.
Here goes: I have a chronic illness, it causes me a lot of pain, a lot of the time. I don’t think it would be a understatment to say that I am in pain every day, all the time. My tolerance to pain is high. I do not consistently treat it with pain medication, in fact most days I get up and go to work, and push on through without any help at all.
Also, as I have revealed before, I am a masochist.

I have had people say to me “No wonder you are in pain all the time, look at those bruises!” “How can chronic pain and masochism exist in the same reality?”

All those chemicals I mentioned before…they help. A lot.

So what does it mean for my submission? How does it affect my life as a sub? What does it mean for Maestro and his Dominance?

It means that Maestro has to be aware of my joints when he is tying me up. He has to be in control of each strike to make sure that no real harm is being done. He has to be aware of me, and where I am.

It also means that there is always a high level of communication and honesty between us. He doesn’t want to harm me any more than I want to be harmed, but if I am not telling him where I am he won’t know or be able to determine where the limit is. And I don’t do either of us any good by trying to be strong and not tell him. While communication should be, I feel, a large part of any submissive’s life it is especially important that I let Maestro know where my limits are or what pain I am having at any given time.

I also want to point out that Maestro and I are in a long-term relationship with one another. Though the strappings and lessons are wonderful, and I am honored to be his, we are really just normal people…with a few small differences.
So..back to pain. One of the interesting things that I have found is that when I am having a bad pain day, a good strapping helps. It acts like a deep muscle massage; the muscles get worked over and warmed, blood circulation increases, and chemicals are released that make me feel relaxed and free of pain for a while. Masochism lets me choose between the pain I can control (the external pain that Maestro so lovingly doles out) and the pain I can’t control.

I choose to manage pain with pain. It’s not for everyone, but it works for me.