Maestro and I don’t have a lot of rules. We do not have a lot of ritual in our relationship; he does not make me greet him at the door on my knees, for instance. The few rituals we have are ones that we both benefit from and enjoy.
During my “re-introduction” to this lifestyle Maestro and I had to sit down and talk very honestly with one another about rules. There can be no deviation from some rules. If there are infractions then there must be consequences.
The rules we have are not flexible.
1. Lying is unacceptable. This seems like common sense, right? But it goes deeper than most would think. It goes into the “A lie is a lie no matter what the reason” territory.
An example: Earlier this year we celebrated Maestro’s birthday and I threw a surprise party for him. To no one’s surprise, he found out about it, but when he asked me who else I had invited I responded with a sly smile and said “No one”. This obviously was not the truth, and though we had a good time and he was happy to see all of his friends, he told me later that he was disappointed that I had not figured out a way to tell him the truth without giving it all away. Something like ” I invited a few more people, but it is a surprise” would have been more acceptable.
I was not severely punished as I honestly didn’t understand, or believe that I had lied in a way that was harmful. It was a little untruth, to keep from ruining the rest of the surprise. Now that I know how unacceptable even that kind of deceit is to him, if I were to falter again, I believe the punishment would be much harsher.
Since it has never been a problem since that time, I don’t know how severe the punishment would be for lying. I am always honest with Maestro, even when I know I will be in trouble for it.
This works both ways, though. I have to know that I can trust Maestro. If this trust were fractured it could be disastrous for us.
2. Cheating is a game ender. Neither of us share well, neither of us are willing to give up our playgrounds. We agreed in the beginning that if one or the other of us felt compelled to cheat then we should just leave. At that point there would have been some kind of serious oversight in our relationship. Also, cheating is really only another type of lying, which goes back to number 1. We agreed that there is no coming back from cheating.
An interesting side note: because we have that understanding and trust, we are also able to have conversations about people – even random people- that we find attractive, or sexy, without the hang-ups and insecurity.
3. I am not allowed to denigrate myself in any way. I have written about this before. Maestro expects that I will be honest, and that is okay. For instance, I can say that I am overweight, especially if there is a plan to deal with that behind the comment, but I am not allowed to call myself names. I can comment on my graying hair, I am not allowed to call myself a “hag”. The punishment for this is swift and severe. I am not having to be punished as often as before, maybe because I am learning to be nicer to myself, maybe because I am learning the rules. Probably a little bit of both.
4. Open and honest communication are always necessary. There are lots of reasons for this, and I could go into all of them and it might take all day, the short end of this is that it is important for both of us to know where the other is. That means physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When we aren’t open, things aren’t right. Last weekend, for example, Maestro had tied me to the bed and was beginning a beautiful strapping that I knew was going to leave lots of wonderful welts and bruises. Only I had been off all day, introverted, and not really in the mood to talk, and had not told him that my pain level was elevated. So, sensing that something was wrong, he stopped short of the strapping that I wanted, the strapped he wanted to give me, because he felt the need to be cautious. Had I told him what was going on, instead of swimming in my head, he could have – would have- made adjustments. As it stood neither of us were satisfied. Beyond the kink, this type of communication has allowed us to head off possible disagreements before they were real disagreements, and soothe hurt feelings before any resentment built. It is vital to our relationship.
5. Maestro does not expect me to take shit from anyone – including him. This is a big deal. I am allowed to stand up for myself, even to him. I must do so in a manner that is respectful, but I am expected to do so.
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Maestro and I have a loving PE relationship, but I notice there are things that others have that we don’t. We don’t, for instance, have a safe word. Had I asked for one in the beginning I’m sure I would have one now, but I didn’t. I trust that he knows my limits, and he has not broken that trust. We don’t have a lot of rituals, though I bathe him nightly (unless I do not feel up to it). I enjoy bathing him, and he enjoys it as well. Once a week I shave his head and face for him also. There are several little things that I do daily to serve Maestro. I call them rituals, even though he doesn’t. But I am aware of serving him as I do each thing.
We also don’t have rituals about how I must speak to him. It is not necessary for me to call him Sir. I do, more often than I realize, though I think that is just manners and not ritual. He has never required that I do. In fact, the only thing that Maestro has ever required is that I treat him with respect. He will hear anything I have to say, even if it is critical of him, as long as I approach it with respect. If I do not, then I give up the expectation that he will listen.
And then there is love. Ah, love. Another blogger, Kelly (who’s writing I adore) brought up this topic earlier.
I love Maestro. I love him harder and more deeply than almost anyone (the children always take 1st place in my heart). How could we do what we do, go through the things we go through together, and there not be love? I love him, I have loved him for 25 years, I love everything about him.
I do not need him, and that makes loving him ever the sweeter! I have submitted to him, but I do not need him. He doesn’t complete me. I am already whole. The beautiful thing is that so is he. The lack of need leads to this really fulfilling want.
We are in each others lives because we want to be. I am his, wholly and completely. I am his submissive, and I am that with a peaceful heart. He is my Sir, my Dom, my Maestro, and he is perfect for me.
There are few rules and rituals in our PE, and others may need more of that in their relationship. This works for us and I am a happy sub!
Maestro's darkling's thoughts on lessons 