You look so beautiful in white

I am sitting on point, Maestro standing before me stroking my hair, my shoulders, my breasts. He pauses at my shrinking areola and rock hard nipples, pinching each hard. He cups each breast, grabbing and squeezing the tender flesh in his fist.

I wince, Maestro smiles.

Maestro has spent the day working me into a type of hypnotic frenzy. I am unchained. Unhinged. So overwhelmingly his that he needs only gesture and I am seeking to please.
My pussy is slick with desire and aching with need. Tonight there is a new pain for me.
He had informed me earlier that he was going to begin impacting my breasts. Its something he has given a lot of thought to and tonight is the beginning.

“Stand.” he says and moves me in front of him. He has the white ropes spread out behind him and as he moves to get them I move too. He turns and gives me a puzzled look. “You didn’t say to stay.” I say meekly. ” I didn’t give you permission to move either. ” He reminded me,  moving me back into place.

He begins by placing the rope across my shoulders and knotting it just below my suprasternal notch and between my shoulders blades. I can feel his strong hands skillfully moving the rope this way and that, the warmth of them brushing my cool skin. He stops to show me that the rope will not slide; it can not, once tied, move forward or backward against my neck.  He is allaying my fears before I speak them.

His warm hands lift my left breast,  teasing the nipple,  and quickly wrap the rope twice around. It is not so tight that it will cut off all circulation,  but I know it’s there.  He repeats this on the right breast and they are both tied up and straining against the binding.

I feel ridiculous with my large breasts tied up in this manner,  but my aching pussy refuses to accept this feeling and replaces it with need.

I can hear myself in my head, all the things that I still cannot bring myself to say,  things he knows.  “Please Maestro! Consume me! I am your slut! I am whatever you want me to be! Possess me!”

He takes pictures of his work: My breasts tied in lovely white rope,  only slightly changing color, constricted enough that my nipples are pinpoints and oh,  so tender.

I am flying.  I am here and aware as Maestro locks my cuffs to the wall hooks,  but I am removed from it somehow. My mind only thinks  “Pain. Pleasure. More.”

“Darkling. ” Maestro’s voice in my ear, I am drunk on his voice and touch. “I want you aware of what is going to happen now. Are you paying attention?”  I nod.  He goes to his shelf and pulls down a row of clothes pins. One by one he pinches a piece of skin on each breast and places a pin on it. At first it feels good,  only a slight pinch, after a few minutes though, it really begins to hurt.

I let out little whimpers as he flicks the pins and watches them bounce on my swollen breasts. His talented fingers inch into the wet depths of my pussy,  massaging my sweet spot and working me further into this pleasure oblivion.

“Not yet Darkling.  I’ll tell you when.”  Locked to the wall I can do little more than grind against his fingers and beg. He quickly snaps one of the pins off,  just pulls it!  I cry out from the pain and he smiles at me while reaching for another pin with one hand, and fingering me with the other. Another pin snatched off. He continues this until they are all off and have left little pink marks.

“So beautiful.” he smiles at me. Then,  “Cum. ”
The force of my orgasm has me dripping down his fingers,  my leg,  and leaving a puddle on the floor. He continues to work my throbbing pussy to another orgasm and again orders me to cum, biting my breast as I do and increasing the intensity of my orgasm.

I lean back on the wall,  spent. “Not done yet, Darkling. ” He whispers to me. I feel his hands squeezing my breasts. When I look at him I see the pleasure in his face…and the stinger in his hand.  For a moment I begin to beg,  but I know what he is going to do. He had already told me he was going to.

He strikes me solidly,  the stinger lands just an inch from my nipple. I cry out from the pain but my aching need grows. He  repeats his actions on each breast as I begin to drift away again. Aware but removed while his fingers find my swollen clit and rub it to orgasm again.

“I’m going to unhook you now, and you may suck my cock when I do.”
And I do. Thankfully. Hungrily. Greedily.  I spent the next hour massaging him with my mouth and tongue. The smoothness of his cock satisfying my hunger. I lick and suck and play with the beautifully magnificent cock that belongs to my Maestro until he pulls me up on the bed,  flips me onto my stomach and fucks me hard, bringing us both to orgasm together.

I lie in his arms with sore breasts; well fucked and blissfully submissive!  He pulls  me closer,  kisses my head and whispers  “You are such a good girl. I love you, mine.”

 

Nipple training – Maestro’s Way – Part II

Day 4:

Reprieve!

Maestro has a commitment away from home tonight, and as it will be late when he gets back, I am given a night without the pins!

I should be excited! I should be happy! What is this feeling? Disappointment? Yes, a deep sense of disappointment. This isn’t what I should be feeling at all.

I do not like having an interruption in my training. When trying to build a callous you have to practice every day, right?  But Maestro isn’t trying to build a callous, he is training them to be more sensitive, and he is training me to want to pain.

It’s working.

Day 5:

As I was leaving for work this morning Maestro advised me that I will be getting the pins tonight and to be ready. I spent another restless day at work, trying to concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing, and rushed out the door at 4 o’clock.

I asked Maestro if I could remove my bra with the under-wire and put on my sport bra instead because it would be more comfortable for me while I was making dinner and waiting for him to get home. Mercifully, he said I could. I think later I would regret this decision. Or not. I am conflicted.

The sport bra is more comfortable because it stretches, it..breathes, there are no under-wires. It is holds everything in place without pinching or moving. See where I am going with this?

What I also realized, as Maestro was placing the pins, is that it is also tighter. It is designed that way, to keep breasts from moving too much while playing sports.  What that means is that the pins are now held securely in place.  Tight. Secure. Biting. Pinching.

Holy crap! What have I gotten myself into? And yet…and yet, I am turned on. Maestro pushes up against me, or squeezes my breasts and I squeal from the pain and get more turned on.

And Maestro is pleased. Maestro is happy. Maestro has decided that I will wear the sport bra for every night of my training.

Day 6:

It has been a long day, and I haven’t felt well. My head has been hurting, badly. When I get home from work I put on the sports bra as instructed, and lie down. My intention was to only lie down for a moment, to close my eyes against the ache, what happened was that I fell asleep. Maestro returned home and came upstairs looking for me. He covered me, and told me to stay in bed. He said if I was feeling badly enough to sleep then I could stay in bed. There would be no pins tonight.

That is not to say that there would be no nipple play. Later that evening, Maestro laid down beside me and gently started caressing my nipples As I began to respond with soft moans he increased the amount of pressure and pain he applied. Soon my moans turned to cries as Maestro pinched, bit, and sucked at my nipples, working me into a frenzy and finally – thankfully- counting me down to an orgasm.

My head still hurt, and my nipples were too sensitive to touch, but Maestro was satisfied as he tucked me back into bed and that made me very happy.

Day 7:

One week of training. To be fair it has only been 5 days, as I had two days of reprieve. I woke to Maestro smiling at me, and feeling more than a little guilty about having not worn the pins again. I ask Maestro if I could wear the pins to work, to make up for all the time I missed. He chuckles at me and says “Do you understand what you are asking for? If you get to work and it begins to hurt you must leave them in. They won’t be removed by anyone but me.” He sat back and looked at me for a long moment then continued “No, darkling. I don’t think you are ready for that, but you will wear them tonight. You are such a good girl.”

Work was very busy, so I was thankful for Maestro’s wisdom in denying me the pins.

When we returned home after work Maestro wasted no time in having me put on the sports bra and placing the pins in. The we went out for dinner. This was my first time wearing them in public. I was embarrassed and felt like everyone knew, especially when I moved and let out a little “eep” from the pins pinching or poking into me.

Maestro watched me with interest, humor and happiness. I handled it like a champ.

Later, at home, Maestro and I are dancing in the living room. He presses me to him, digging the pins deeper into each breast. As I cry out, he smiles. He dances me to the wall where he turns and pins me, “Don’t move” he growls into my ear. My breasts are screaming to pull from the wall, the pins are deep into my areola, the hungry little points biting the delicate flesh.

Maestro begins working on my ass, his hand hard as each strike lands. I am moaning both from the pleasure and the pain. I love being spanked by Maestro, for me there is almost nothing better than feeling my ass and legs warm under his blows. But the added pain from the pins has me wet, and I can feel my juices slowly dripping down my leg as he continues to land blows on my ass and thighs.  His hand reaches to my pussy and he smiles as he feels the silky wetness of my sex.

Maestro pulls me from the wall and, kissing me deeply, moves me to the bed where he enters me. He pulls my hair and pinches my nipples – hard! I can hardly control myself by the time he allows me to cum, and I’m even more blissful as he joins me in orgasm.

Spent, we fall into each others arms and sleep, deep and sound.

 Day 8: A few thoughts before I post:

Lessons. That is what this blog is about. What have I learned this week?

I have been forced to explore my almost desperate need for pain. Maestro has said to me that while he could make someone take the pain, he could not make someone enjoy it. I enjoy it. I am okay with this. I am thrilled when Maestro pulls my hair, I love when he reaches down and finds me wet after he has taken the strap to me. I enjoy pain. The nipple pain is a new experience. I am finding that since the beginning of the training they are more sensitive; they harden beautifully, and quickly, with just the slightest touch. I am still finding my limits of pain with the nipples, trying to decipher where that point is that takes it from enjoyable to “NO NO NO!” This weekend Maestro has promised that I will wear the pins every day, everywhere. We are working up to meeting my request to wear the pins to work. I suppose I should insert the “be careful what you ask for” cliché here, but I am really okay with this.

I think the biggest lesson this week is an old one that I am re-learning. Be okay with who you are. Embrace it, feel it, get to know it inside and out, and love it.  My nipples are sore, tender, and I am beginning to love this.

I will continue to wear the pins as long as Maestro wishes. I look forward to sharing the experiences, though probably less formally than this blog.

Nipple Training – Maestro’s Way – Part I

Previously I had written about the overwhelming pain associated with having Maestro hurt my nipples. At that time he promised that he was going to build something which would heighten my sensitivity, and have me begging for the pain. Today the first round of this device has been created. I have decided to share my daily thoughts on this blog.  As I go through this process my hope, my goal, is to stretch beyond what I thought were my limits and grow from the experience.

Day 1:

Maestro constructed a push-pin cushion for my nipples. It is NOT comfortable, and I am squirming as he gently positions them into each cup of my bra. He is smiling at me as I am grimacing from the pain of the little points digging into my nipples, he is enjoying this.

But the squirming isn’t enough, he wants me to feel it! No, let me rephrase this, he is getting turned on by my pain, and wants to push me. So he tells me to lie down with my head at the foot of the bed…on my stomach. I do as I am told, and cry out a little as the pins push further into my nipples.

He ties me down, just my hands, and lies on top of me- pushing the pins deeper into my breasts. I can feel him growing hard against me as I cry out, and he has a happy chuckle as he rises from me and gets the strap. Tonight there will be much pain!

In an effort to maintain honesty and integrity in my blog, I have to say that I don’t remember much after the first 10 to 15 strikes. Maestro says he was watching as I drifted into “subspace”, and allowed me to linger there a while.

I know that the next thing I remember was lying in his arms, and he was gently stroking my hair and back. I remember thinking that this is my favorite place to be. He takes such good care of me.

When I had fully returned Maestro instructed me to remove the pins for the night. We will start again tomorrow.

DAY 2:

Maestro has reconstructed the cushion which the pins sit in so there is less chance they will slide around. As he is putting the new ones in my bra I ask how long I will have to wear them, he answers  “A couple of hours, or until I tell you to take them out.”

My thoughts today: I am hurting. The new construction has the pins sitting in a complete circle around my nipple. Every time I move my arm or bend at all, the little pins bite or scratch deeper into the delicate skin. What I cannot reconcile is how turned on I am by this. Even though I have owned my masochism, this is a new sensation for me. Normally the nipples are off-limits (so to speak) and kill the mood as soon as they are touched. Today I have had the little points scratching and digging and biting my nipples for hours and my panties are soaked! I am thoroughly turned on by this! I am exuding sex!

I am trying to wrap my head around this and the only explanation I have at this time is that, once again, Maestro knows what he is doing.  I want to say that I am not looking forward to wearing this contraption every day, (or until Maestro decides the training is done,) I want to say that because that is what my brain is telling me I should feel. However, obviously, a part of me is VERY MUCH looking forward to it! I am not sure how I feel about that.

Day 3:

Maestro told me that he will be inserting the pin cushions back into my bra when we return home from work today. I have now spent the entire day completely distracted by this thought. I am conflicted, you understand. There is a part of me desiring the pain of the pins so badly that I can hardly contain myself, and there is the part of me that accepts that Maestro has given me instruction and I will do what I am told, but in the middle there is this voice that is horrified at this behavior! “How can you let someone do this to you?” it screams at me “And look at you! How can you be turned on by this?!” Because I am. Hopelessly turned on, embracing my submissiveness, anticipating the pins.

Maestro came home, walked to me with the cushions in his hand and said “It’s time.” I lifted my blouse, exposing my bra, and winced as he placed the pins to my breast and squeezed me close to him. I cried out from the pain as the tips bit into the delicate flesh around my now hardened nipples. “Good girl.” he whispered to me ” You are my good girl.”

I have been instructed that I will wear them for several hours tonight, perhaps until I go to bed. When I commented that it seemed unfair to not be able to take off my bra at the end of the day, he responded by saying “I am willing to accommodate you. If you are ready to wear the pins to work all day, then you can take your bra off in the evening.”  Well…I’m not. So for now I will have to live with not taking off my bra, and wearing the wonderfully horrible pins in the evening.

This is going to hurt

Websters dictionary defines Masochism as “a sexual perversion characterized by pleasure in being subjected to pain or humiliation especially by a love object”.  I would like to take that a step farther by saying that it is also characterized by an emotional release when subjected to pain; and that is where today’s lesson begins.

It is not unusual for Maestro and I to have conversations in the evening after everything has settled down, and lately they have been about a particular event that took place two weeks ago which shook me to the core. The conversation usually begins with Maestro asking how I am feeling about it, and ends when I respond with “Fine, or Whatever – fuck it”.

When dealing with particularly painful things I tend to turn off the emotions and deal with “just the facts ma’am”,  which in many situations is a good thing, but in this one has caused me to fluctuate between anger and indifference, and not deal with the real hurt or sadness that I knew I felt. I could say that I was hurt, or sad, but I wasn’t actually dealing with it. Luckily, I have a very understanding Maestro.

What I said to him during our conversation was something like “I can really understand why cutters cut. The release of internal pain through an external stimulus is something I totally get.” Maestro responded with “You need to cry.” which I chuckled at, but didn’t take too seriously until he continued with “I am going to make you cry.” Jokingly, or maybe not, I said “If you are going to make me cry, then I need you to tie me up because I will try to get away.”  Maestro chuckled at me, patted my head, and told me to go take a bath as he left the room.

While I was bathing, he was setting up my bonds.  Maestro took my playful banter seriously; he was going to make me cry.  I desperately needed to cry, I needed to release the pent-up hurt and sadness and he knew it.  After my bath he laid me on the bed, face down, and spoke very softly to me as he tied first my hands and then my feet. He made sure that I understood his position, why he was doing it, and what he was going to do. This is not punishment. This is my needs being met, even though I am unsure I want him to do this.

Maestro tells me that he is going to start with his hands, move to the stinger (where he is sure I am going to beg him to stop) and finish with the strap. He leaned over me and whispered “I love you” in my ear, then “Let’s begin.” I am already shaking.

The first strikes with his hand hurt, but I did not start crying. I was shaking, I could feel the heat rising, and my thighs and ass were tender, but I was not crying.

Out came the stinger, the tool that I resist the most! The “Stinger” is about 12 inches long, and two inches wide. It is made of solid wood, and has no give AT ALL! When it makes contact, it doesn’t do it with a thud, it does it with a smack. A small smack. It bites. It hurts! Had I not been thoroughly secured I would have run away, or attempted to, at that point! He brought it down on my thighs and ass with the precision of a master craftsman, each stroke timed perfectly, each one striking precisely where he knew it would have the greatest effect. Cries began escaping from me, I began asking – no – begging him to stop. I was sure that he was breaking skin! I was crying now! As he continued with the stinger the crying turned to sobbing.

When he brought out the strap and began to criss-cross  my back, ass and thighs with it, something in me broke. The sounds coming from me were primal, the grief palpable, and it began to all come out. I was releasing…finally. The external pain had finally reached the summit, the place where the internal control could no longer be maintained, and the spring was released. I sobbed, I cried in anguish, I struggled against my bindings, and Maestro stopped.

He pulled me into his arms and rocked me as my anguish took over,  and he continued to hold me until I was breathing softly and was calm again. He whispered to me that he loved me, that I should let it all out, that I was safe.

When I look back on this and ask myself what the lesson was, and I find that there were more than one.  First; though I had accepted for some time that I am a masochist, none of my previous lovers had the self control to help me explore it in ways that were – ultimately – not harmful to me physically and emotionally. I believe that this experience has brought me closer to Maestro, and allowed me to trust him on a deeper level. He knew what I needed. He understood the truth behind my humor, and acted on it. However, he only did as much as was needed to achieve the goal. He was not abusing me, he does not abuse me, he saw a need, met it, and stopped. More than that though, the after-care he gave me was so incredible that even when looking at the bruises and the welts that were left, I can’t help but be grateful.

Second; It is necessary when dealing with my feelings to allow myself to open up and feel what needs to be felt. Part of the lesson is that it is okay to tell Maestro that I need to be tied up, that I am going to run, that I am afraid of dealing with whatever I am dealing with, and I need help! But the other part (and perhaps a more important part) is that the  feelings must be dealt with! It is more healthy to express it, and get it out than it is to cut it off, or act like everything is fine.

Third; Even when I learn to deal with hurtful things, even if I am the most emotionally healthy person on the planet, Maestro will hurt me. Because sometimes I need to be hurt, I am  a masochist after all, and I am lucky enough to have a Maestro that is a wonderful Sadist. Sometimes life works out nicely in that way.

Nipples and No

Maestro and I were lying in bed the other night and I happened to mention to him how much I really disliked it when he hurts my nipples.

“Do anything else you want to me, believe me, I can take it! But messing around and hurting my nipples is likely to get you bopped on the head! “

He chuckled at me and told me how “fucking adorable” I am. Except that when he grabbed hold of a nipple and pulled..I (reflexively) bopped him on the head. Can you imagine the look on his face? 

So, Maestro has decided that soon he is going to get a set of nipple clamps for me (OH NO!!!!! Anything but that!!) preferably one’s with weights on them, though he is perfectly happy running a connecting chain around the back of my neck from one to the other if gravity is a concern.

The more I resist the more he adds to what amounts to horror for me!  I actually told him flat-out “NO”. Ugh! How could I be so silly? I admit it, that was not my brightest moment. Each new element he added was met with a “no” and the response was a resounding smack on my ass!  The final decision was that  soon he will create a device that I wear in my bra. It will be something he will make for me, with push pins, so that the pointy little tips will scrape my nipples all day long! Oh Joy! Can you hear the dripping sarcasm? (After the last flurry of “No”‘s he has threatened again to get tongue clamps as well. I can’t very well be insubordinate if I can’t talk, can I now?)

What is the lesson in all of this?

Maestro has told me for a long time that we will begin stretching my comfort zone, pushing out the pain threshold, seeing how far we can go and then challenging it again. The lesson is to trust that he knows what he is doing, and to accept. I submitted to him; body, mind, and spirit. I wouldn’t have done that had I not trusted him, and I need to remember that.

So while I am not looking forward to the next bit of stretching,(pun intended) it will make Maestro happy, and that is my goal.

Wish me luck!